Sounds Of Leaving by D I Jolly

People used to tell me that the true sound of death, was silence. That people only make noise when they’re there, but when they’re gone, they’re gone. And I guess I just really wanted to believed them. But they were wrong.

Leaving isn’t silent. No, in my experience leaving sounds sweet, and kind. It sounds like dreams come true.

No, to mean leaving sounded like,

“Don’t stress about it kiddo, I’m just moving into the spare room for now. This way I won’t wake her up when I have to get up early for work.”

It sounded like, “It’s just for during the week, so that I don’t have to drive so far. You’ll be at school most of that time anyway, and I’ll be here on weekends like normal. I tell you what, this Saturday let’s go see a movie together, what do you say?”

And eventually leaving sounded like, last minute phone calls, screaming frustration, unkind words and ‘I’ll always love you; nothing will change that.’

People used to tell me that the true sounds of death was silence. But in my world, what felt like death to me, was loud, and angry, it was broken promises and shattered dreams. It was sweet lies and the sound of her crying in her bedroom when I was supposed to be asleep.

At least it wasn’t like in the movies, no one promised to be right back, just stepping out to get cigarettes. It was “goodbye” it was, “you’re the man of the house now, you need to look after her.” But maybe that’s just what it sounds like when a childhood dies.

People used to tell me that the true sound of death, was silence. But when The Shadow That Creeps in Through the Corners put out her light. All I could hear was crying sisters, endlessly ringing phones, and a long-forgotten voice saying pointless words. “She was so proud of you. I’m so proud of you.” Like he knew anything about me.

Sounds nice, ha, nice sounds… honeyed words that meant nothing and were only there to make the speaker feel better. It is funny though, people used to tell me that the true sound of death, was silence. But for me, the thing that I miss most of all, was silence.

Thank you for reading, please share if you enjoyed this prose poem.

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