1905 By D.I. Jolly
Are you willing to die for the Republic? Well with Syn-Tech’s all-new Battle Suit Version 1.905, you won’t have to! You’ll be piloting a state-of-the-art battle suit remotely from your dropship. Remotely piloted battle suits have the advantage of personal experience which AI lacks, and gives you the edge that you so desperately need! Speak to your commanding officer to book a test flight and join the next generations army, today!
Jack sighed as he waited for the advert to end, and finally be able to disconnect the headset. While Milli, his bunkmate, waiting for him with a cup of coffee.
“Does anyone else find these things having built-in unskippable Syn-Tech ads, a little bit masturbatory? It’s like, we’ve already bought your shit, stop trying to sell it to us.”
“What do you expect from privately build government tech, it’s not run by a general it’s probably some marketing execs brilliant idea. Increase our ads visibility by up to 110%.”
Jack sipped his coffee and shuddered.
“I hate the idea that you’re not only right but whoever the dickhead is who came up with that brilliantly bad idea, made more money from it than we make in a year.”
Milli poured herself a fresh cup and shook her head.
“What bugs me, is what’s going to happen when the Empire works out that they don’t need to engage the soldiers and can just shoot down the dropships? What then? They’ve turned our army from a million strong to three large slow targets. We’ll all be dead and they’re going to have all these idle fucking battle suits to repurpose. It’s bullshit!”
She took a long sip and was about to continue when the captain’s voice echoed through the halls.
“Pilots lock-in! We’re getting ready to engage in our first live confrontation, drop is in fifteen!”
They looked at each other and shook their heads. Jack downed the last of his coffee and forced a smile.
“Look at it this way, with this being our first run, the enemy won’t know that yet. So, try not to worry about it and let’s go blow up some imp-tech. It’ll be fun.”
Milli mimicked the smile.
“Yeah, you just try and keep up this time.”
They hopped back into their pods and began to boot up the suits, which involved another minute-long unskippable advert. Despite the obvious drawbacks, the suits were cutting edge and as long as no one realised that the real targets were the ships, it did mean they could fight without risk of dying. Which made for a fun fifteen seconds as the suits all leapt from the ships and jetpacked towards the battlefield, but as soon as the ground cannon opened up it became very clear that they were targeting the ships. Jack out of reflex spun right when he saw flack coming for Milli, forgetting for just a second that she wasn’t actually in the suit. Milli, on the other hand, came up with a new idea and hit her boosters sending the suit shooting back up to the ship.
The all-new Syn-Tech plasma touch is guaranteed to slice through any metal armour, no matter who reinforced, like a hot knife through Syn-tech butter substitute. A substitute so good, you won’t believe it’s not the real thing.
Milli’s battle suit ripped a hole in the side of her dropship and reaching a giant hand in and scooped up Jack. She then rocketed away as fast as she could to try and get to a safe enough distance before the inevitable happened.
When the Empire calls, you answer. It’s the duty of every man, woman and able-bodied child to serve the galactic Emperor during these dark time. But you no longer have to fear the evil Republic. With the all-new Syn-Techs marc 19.05 battle suit, you never have to worry again. Its state-of-the-art remote pilot functionality allows you to send your best people into battle while they sit safely in nearby Syn-Tech Battle Suit DropShips, brought to you exclusively by Syn-Tech. Syn-Tech, ensuring the future of the Empire!