Tinder By D.I. Jolly

Markus’s eyes lit up when he realised the girl he was about to meet was actually better looking in person. He rose as she approached the table and he held out a polite hand. Her eyes ran down his body as he stood and she bit her bottom lip.


“Yes, hi, hello.”

She reached out her hand as she approached, but noticed that he didn’t wait for her to sit before sitting down himself.  He was very good looking though and had a tempting smile. He had a method for Tinder dates and started going through his mental questionnaire. He’d gotten it down to five questions, and depending on the answers he believed he knew if he was going home alone or not.

Tali also had a mental checklist to see how far she would let a guy get on the first date, if anywhere.

Despite all that, they began chatting and getting along. She liked that he was handsome and funny, but wasn’t sure about his attitude sometimes. She just couldn’t work out if he was acting up to seem distant and cool, or if he was really like that.

He, on the other hand, had gotten to the end of his questions and was no wiser than when he started. Some of her answers seemed really positive, others came at him out of the blue and he couldn’t work out what any of it meant. But she was still there, they were still enjoying the conversation, so hope remained.

“So, do you wanna get another cup of coffee or shall we go for a drink?”

Tali put on a sly smile, then raised her eyebrows against his presumption.

“What if I just want to go home?”

“Wow… Normally I’d say buy me a drink first but I think I’ll make an exception. Just this once though.”

She laughed and shook her head,

“Well, I wouldn’t want to infringe on your principles, and there is a cool bar not far from here.”

Markus’s hope started to climb and he paid for the coffee so they could leave. Which was a point in his favour for Tali, but she still couldn’t make her mind up about him. Her curiosity was peeked though. He won another point by offering to pay for the beers, but not forcing it when she protested that he’d paid for the coffee. As the evening continued Markus began to realise that despite inconclusive results with his mental questionnaire, things were very much going the way he’d hoped and it turned his smile more genuine and shoulders more relaxed. Tali too allowed herself to relax wondering if she’d finally found someone nice and good, som, one she could enjoy sharing breakfast with in the morning. Their legs knitted together under the table and occasionally there would be a gap in the conversation when they’d lock eyes and stagger each other.

The barman rolled his eyes and sighed as he brought the second round, mentally condemning them as being teenagers and sickening, while allowing himself to be ever so slightly envious and happy for them.

Two beers and a naughty shot later the longing stares had turned into adolescent kissing. Tali’s mind started bubbling over with excitement and after a few minutes, she pulled back to take a calming breath.

“I’ll Ummm, I’ll be right back.”

“Oh, oh ok cool, I’ll be right here.”

She blushed with excitement and quickly took herself off to the bathroom. She didn’t really need to pee, just to take a breath and have a minute to gather her thoughts and return some sanity before taking the next step. She stopped by the barman on her way back to the table. Unknown to Markus they were in her favourite bar. She lived in the same building and knew most of the staff, so always brought prospective good dates there to get a second opinion.

“He seems cute darling, who knows. Nicer than some of the others you bring through here.”

Tali smiled, and let herself hope as her mind started bubbling up again. Markus sat on his phone waiting for her to return. As she came up with fresh drinks she saw his thumb moving in a familiar left and right motion on the screen. Her mental bubbles all popped at once, bringing a perfect calm and a sigh of relief. He quickly put his phone away as soon as he saw her and smiled so his eyes seemed to twinkle.

It didn’t take long before their drinks started to feel ignored and a little awkward just sitting there watching them.

“So I, umm, live just upstairs.”

For an instant Markus lost the ability to speak and form coherent thoughts, then in a flash of inspiration.

“Well, I did promise that if you bought me a drink I’d go home with you, and I’d hate to go back on my word.”

Tali laughed and took him by the hand. They almost fell through her front door, knotted together as they tried to be as close to each other as physically possible. She took a moment to pull away and breathe, then smiled.

“One last drink.”

She slipped his embrace and disappeared into the kitchen, leaving him to consider if he should start taking off his clothes now, or wait. Tali reappeared with two shot glasses. She handed him one and raised her own,

“To tonight.”

He smiled, touched his glass to hers and they drank them down quickly. His lust and excitement swam through his veins like a drug making him feel a little dizzy and they embraced again.

A few hours later Tali returned alone to her bar, and the barman noticed she was wearing different clothes and a satisfied smile.

“Oh honey looks like you’ve been having fun.”

Her smile broadened,

“Oh yeah, it’s been a good few hours.”

“Hours? I don’t know how you do it man-eater.”

She stuck out her tongue at the barman.

“Everyone needs a hobby.”

Markus opened his eyes into a pitch-black room, his head spun as if he’d just finished a three-day drinking binge and his stomach muscles ached. He felt around looking for a light switch then went for the lighter in his pocket. His blood ran cold when he realised the sauce of his pain was a clumsy-looking tattoo on which read ‘A gentleman goes on one date at a time.’ His heart rate began to climb and he frantically looked around the room trying to work out where he was. He looked back down at the tattoo and something else caught his eye. Frilly black lace was sticking out the top of his jeans. Nervously and with one hand to reach down to undo his trousers and with a little bum hop he managed to pull them down just enough to stare in horror at the frilly pink panties that covered where his penis should have been.

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