The End of My Patience
Wednesdays were always the longest day of Mason’s week. It wasn’t that he had more to do, it was just that Wednesdays felt long. In fact, ever since he was conscious of how long a day was supposed to be, they’d felt long.
When he was still in school, he could take a nap after getting home and before getting stuck into the rest of his day. But now that he was a fully formed adult with a job, he just had to power through with coffee, and the very logical argument that Wednesdays weren’t actually longer than any other day, that he did it all the time and that it wouldn’t actually kill him.
It did mean, however, that when he got home, he was a little bit pricklier than usual. So, when he opened the door and immediately heard tiny stomping footsteps coming towards him, he braced for the approach of hurricane Roxy.
Roxy was seven years old, and took herself, as well as everything else, very seriously. When she saw her dad standing at the door waiting, she stopped and stood with her hands on her hips, hot tears still rolling down her furious face, and then said with a little mini foot stomp.
“Daddy! I can’t take this anymore! I’ve had it up to here! My patience are all gone!”
Mason pushed his lips together hoping that he looked concerned and as though he took the situation, whatever it was, as seriously as she did, and not, in fact, like he was trying to stifle a laugh. Behind her walked Roxy’s mom, Beverly. Mason chanced a look up, she grimaced and shrugged, telling him that the cause of this outrage had not yet been explained. Which wasn’t that unusual as Roxy had, apparently, decided that when things were medium bad, then those were mommy problems, or rather ‘lady problems’ as Roxy often and loudly called them. But it meant that he wasn’t allowed to get involved. But when it was a really big problem, then that was daddy’s job to solve. And he would have to solve it instantly, otherwise the world would end.
Mason waited a beat to see if Roxy had more declarations to make before saying.
“Okay. I hear you, but what is the actual problem here? What has taken all your patience away?”
Roxy stood resolute but her breaths were coming out in little huffs which was not normal for her, and made Mason think that something might actually have happened, and he started to take the situation a little more seriously.
“Everything is changing, and I’m sick of it, just sick of it!”
Mason held his ground and considered his daughter seriously.
“Okay?”
And then Roxy launched into her explanation.
“Becky’s mom came to kindergarten today and told us that they’re moving away, so Becky isn’t going to be there anymore, and, Michael’s mommy said that he’s going to a different school! So, I won’t have any friends when I start proper school! And, and…’ Roxy’s tears quickly turned from angry to sad to frightened, which made Mason want to scoop her up, but he knew her, he knew that she wanted to finish talking and then be rescued, otherwise she would feel interrupted. But even as she gasped for breaths to start the next bit of her story, she began to shake which broke his heart a little. ‘AND! Miss B said that I’m not allowed to stay in kindergarten, and that I HAVE TO go to school next year! Which means I won’t even have the time to make new friends! And so, and so, and so… I have to go to proper school ALONE!”
She screamed the last word and Mason saw his opening, moved, wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in tight. The tiny adult impression evaporated and she was just an overwhelmed little girl trying to hide from the world in her dad’s shoulder.
After a minute he glanced up at Beverly who held a look of sudden understanding and a heart break. He then mouthed,
“Are you okay?”
At her and she let out a breath, nodded and mouthed back,
“You got this?”
He nodded, but gestured with his head towards his winter coat.
She smiled and nodded back. As far as they were concerned, Roxy was a delightful child, but she could be a delicate and complicated little thing, who sometimes needed very specific care. As she shook in her father’s arms, it was clear that this was one of those times. Beverly got the coat off the hook and slipped behind him to wrap it around them both and zipped it up. Mason also quickly shifted his arms so that it was easier to lift and carry her.
“It’s okay sweety, me, you and Mr. Coat are going to go sit quietly for a bit, okay?”
A very small, “okay” came up from the coat.
“Is the couch okay, or can we go lie on your bed?”
“Bed.”
It was a rule in their house that all beds belonged to girls, and boys, even dad, always had to ask permission to lie on it. Mason carried her to her room and gently lay down.
They ley there for a while and Mason thought about his after school naps, and he thought about life and he thought about change. And then he felt Roxy stir under the coat and he said.
“Do you think you’re ready to come out now?”
“Mm-hmm.”
Mason wriggled an arm into one of the sleeves and unzipped the coat, giving Roxy more room to move and settle herself comfortably. But she didn’t leave the safe space of Mr. Coat.
“Are you ready to talk about it yet?”
Her voice stayed small and she said,
“I don’t know, maybe.”
“Okay.’ Mason had been considering what he was going to say, and had found a path that made sense to him, which hoped it would also make sense to her too. ‘Let’s try and if it’s too much then tell me, okay?”
She nodded her head but stayed quiet. Mason let the stillness sit a little longer then said.
“I know it’s scary, but you don’t need to be afraid of change, change is a friend that is always with you.”
“But all my friends are leaving.” Roxy protested hotly.
“Okay, okay, okay, look. Change is like…. Okay, you know Amanda the Apple tree?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, when we planted her, she was just a little stick in the ground, right? And we both know that Amanda started out as a seed before that, don’t we?”
“Yeah?” Her voice was still small and unsure, but she seemed to be following what he said.
“And now she’s a tree, right?”
“Yeah.”
“And sometimes Amanda is full of leaves, and sometimes she’s full of sticks.”
Roxy snuggled in closer but he could feel her nodding her head.
“So, she’s changed quite a lot, hasn’t she, but she’s still Amanda, even when she’s covered in leaves, and even when she’s sticks, she’s still Amanda, right?”
“Yes.”
“And we know that this is because of the seasons, the world changing around her, and her changing with it, but at the same time she’s still always Amanda, right?”
“Yes.”
“Do you see what I’m trying to say.”
Roxy thought for a moment then said with a bit more of herself in her voice.
“I think so.”
He watched her for a beat, then said.
“But you’re still sad about your friends?”
Her voice came out low, but still more confident than before.
“Yeah.”
“And scared about starting school?”
She berried her face in his shoulder again and he held her tight for a moment, but then said.
“I know it’s scary, and it’s okay to be sad and a bit scared. Saying goodbye to friends is sad, and change can be scary. But that doesn’t mean it’s bad. In fact, it can even be exciting. Like, all the new friends you can make when you start proper school. And Michael is just going to a different school, you can still play together on weekends.”
Roxy looked up with wide eyes and said worried.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes sweetie, of course. Like me and Michael’s dad. We don’t work in the same place, but we see each other on weekends, don’t we?”
Roxy nodded again and Mason could see that something had clicked into place and that she was calmer and thinking again. Then she looked up at him, clearly still a bit sad and possibly tired from her breakdown.
“Can I sleep in your bed tonight?”
Mason smiled and knew that if she was asking questions like that, then the matter was, for now, settled.
“You know that’s a mommy question, since it’s her bed.”
Roxy nodded, wriggled herself free of Mr. Coat, then with a quick, “Thanks dad,” she jumped off the bed to go find her mom, leaving Mason to, once again, wonder what it was about Wednesdays that made them so fucking long.