Yesterday By D.I. Jolly

Jeremy heard keys in the door and felt his stomach drop, he knew what was coming and he knew he wasn’t ready. The door creaked open and clipped footsteps grew closer until the smiling face of his girlfriend poked out into view.

“Hi honey, it’s pissing down out there. I’m just going to jump into a quick shower and then I vote pizzas and a movie. What do you think?”

He looked up at her, smiled, and thought ‘I want to break up with you.’

“Sounds good to me, want me to order or do you want to get something different this time?”

“No, the usual is good… Buuuut, you could also join me in the shower. Help me warm-up?”

She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively and pulled the strap of her vest down, revealing the top of a black lace bra and just a hint of areola, which would have sent any normal person’s imagination wild. But all Jeremy could think was, ‘I should have left before she got home.’ His smile broadened and his voice grew a little low.

“Ooooh? Someone’s in a fun mood.”

She took a few steps into the room letting her wet clothes show off her great figure. Then, put a cold hand on his cheek sending a shiver over his body, whispered.

“Let’s go have some fun.”

They both stripped on the way there and barely waited for the water to get warm before they were inside the cubical, and he was inside of her. Shower sex had been a big part of their early relationship and a big win for both of them. But while she was thinking about the rush of emotion and building orgasm, he was trying to focus on sexual fantasies and kinks to keep his mind clear of how much he hated himself for every thrust, and how if he let those thoughts in, he’d definitely lose his erection. Her nails then dug into his back and their moans echoed around their small bathroom. She settled bedroom eyes on him, said,

“I love you.”

And they kissed. He reached up and wiped away a drop of water that looked like a tear.

“I love you too.”

They kissed again and he slipped out to order food and let her finish her shower in peace.

By the time she was dried and dressed the pizza was only 10 minutes away and Jeremy was too distracted by the packed bag sitting in the boot of his car to think of a movie for them to watch, so made the excuse that because he ordered food she had to pick. A few hours, a few pizzas and a rom-com later, he stood at the border to their bedroom fighting off a wave of emotion so strong that he thought he might actually vomit. It was crunch time; it was the moment he’d been truly dreading since the afternoon before. Just one day earlier that night would have been perfect and he would have been filled with the warmth of love and sex. But now all he felt was dread, cold detachment and fear.

He was sure it was meant as comfort, or encouragement, but to him it meant relationship death. While scrolling through social media he came across an ‘inspirational’ post which read. ‘Studies prove that humans sleep better, and live longer when they sleep next to someone they trust.’ It hadn’t fully sunk in while he read it why it bothered him so much, but when he got into bed that night, it hit him like a ton of bricks. Like an explosion in his mind, he realised that he had always felt uncomfortable sleeping next to her. Something had always felt a bit off, a bit wrong. He’d always felt that way when sharing a bed and had preferred to sleep alone. But it wasn’t until that night, until that post, that he realised he didn’t trust her. His heart, didn’t trust her. She looked up at him through distant dreamy eyes and said.

“Coming to bed?”

He smiled and thought, ‘No, I’m leaving, I can’t be with you anymore and I’m leaving.’

“Yeah, just getting a glass of water, want one?”

“Oh yeah, please. You’re the best honey.”

While she slept he lay with his arm around her, and he thought about how much simpler his life had been the day before. He thought about every little thing that had happened between them that had felt just a bit off, but he hadn’t known why. He thought about what his life would be like if he stayed with her, if perfect was a fool’s errand and how someone you loved mostly was probably the best he’d ever find. And he thought about how peaceful she looked while sleeping. Maybe he was afraid, maybe he did trust her and that realisation had just scared him. To trust was to be vulnerable, and he’d never had a relationship like this one before.

In the morning when she woke up, she found the bed empty except for a small note on the pillow which started with, ‘I’m sorry’ and ended with ’goodbye.’

She found the apartment empty, a few key items missing, and his car gone, and she thought how much nicer her life had been the day before.

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