Quit By D.I. Jolly
“I drank absinthe in Maryland, reading Poe and playing Angry Birds, I’ve walked the streets of Chicago listening to Bukowski on my iPod, while playing Pokemon Go and taking heroin, my adventures have been long but they’re not over yet. Stare into the camera and dramatically remove Ray-Ban sunglasses. I am, The Hipster.”
Zachary stared at his friend waiting, hoping that the last hour and a half had been a joke. That his best friend and housemate had not, in fact, spent the previous six months writing the giant pile he’d just had to sit through. The giant pile that had been described as, the next evolution in cinema storytelling, and the greatest thing he’d ever written and would ever right. As the moments turned into second and the seconds into minutes it became clear and for the sake of humanity, he knew what he had to do.
“No what, what do you mean no?”
“I mean no, I mean it’s bad, and not just bad, it’s possibly the worst more horrible thing I’ve ever experience. As your friend, as someone who loves you and as a human I feel it is my duty to tell you no. Normally, man, I would sugar coat it but with everything that’s been happening in the world recently I’m honestly too scared to let you try in case someone actually buys it, makes it and the global IQ takes another hit. Because that’s how bad it is, I feel dumber than before. I’m sorry man but for the sake of everyone burn it and never write another thing. Please.”
Zach took a look breath in cutting himself off from the devastation and started tentatively at his friend, waiting for the response, the expected explosion of emotion.
“So you really think someone might buy it?”
“Wait that’s what you heard me say?”
“That’s fantastic man, thanks. I’ve already spoken to my father and he’s said he can hook me up with a meeting with an agency so they can try selling it.”
Zach stared in stunned horror as his friend got to his feet excited, hugged him and headed out to his meeting. As sanity returned he jumped to his feet and ran off after him. Over the next few months, Zach continued to feel a growing sense of dread and disappointment as more and more good news come through the door. First, that agency taking him on, second an interested director, attached movie stars the list went on until the day of shooting began when Zach finally had reached his limit. It was too insane for him to handle and he only saw one sane course of action. He shut down his work computer, walked into his boss’s office and quit with immediate effect, and then went home via a liquor store. He sat alone in his room, poured himself a large glass of whiskey while sitting in front of his computer.