Impostor by D.I. Jolly

It had been a normal day at the office right up until the moment that 15 heavily armed men burst through the door. They rounded everyone up and locked them in one of the offices and then barricaded all entrances and exits. Bob, who had only been working there for six months, had moved quietly and nervously along with everyone else but watched the gunmen closely, he tracked the way they moved, how they held their guns and how they looked at some of the more attractive members of the stuff. Until finally he concluded that they were just the wrong kind of amateurs. They looked the part of professionals with a plan, even sounded that way, but they were not and that meant that the hostages were suddenly in very real danger. He waited until the room they were in had been locked before saying in a confident but low voice.

“Don’t worry everyone, everything is going to be alright.”

He smiled at his co-workers who all looked at him in a mix of mild annoyance and disbelief until he repeated it in Russian, Italian and Japanese, to ease the nerves of the international staff, who although all spoke English were a little too scared to remember that fact. The people who knew him best looked at him in shock, and his manager was on the verge of saying something before one of the gunmen stormed in and put his gun against Bob’s head.

“No talking.”

Bob’s manager saw an unfamiliar smile spread across his face, and then a blur and the gunman on the floor. Bob had somehow disarmed him and had the gun in the man’s mouth. With his free hand, he pulled out his phone and handed it to the man on the floor.

“Hold this please.”

The man did as he was told and Bob pulled his earphone from his pocket, placed one bud in his own ear and the other in the man’s then took his phone back and tapped a few buttons until a nasal voice appeared through the buds.

“Reservations how may I help you?”

“I’d like to make a booking for 15 people please.”

“Is confirmation available?”

Bob pulled the gun from the man’s mouth and nodded pointedly at the phone.


There were a few moments of silence before the voice returned.

“Voice recognition confirmed is this Mr Alexander Kent speaking?”

“Yes but ho-aaagg.”

Bob pushed the gun back into Alexander’s mouth and smiled at him.

“I can confirm a table of 14 and 1 takeaway since confirmations can’t be in-house diners, may I take a name and number please.”

Bob furiously mouthed the word ‘fuck’ and for a moment tried to hate Alexander to death before.

“Reservation for Project 12 number to follow.”

Once again Bob pulled the gun from Alexander’s mouth and pull up his top lip to show a small glowing display just below the skin, that flashed twice before a number appeared. Alexander stared at him for a moment until Bob growled.

“Read it.”

“Uummm, 6 6 4 9 6?”

“Reservation confirmed, and takeaway to be delivered to House 27 C within the next four hours, have a pleasant day.”

“Oh, I will thank you, bye.”

Bob tapped another button on his phone and put it back in his pocket before retrieving his earphones and then sighed.

“You lucky son of a bitch, I’m not even supposed to rough you up, oh well.”

With one swift motion, he slammed the gun across Alexander’s head knocking him out cold. He then proceeded to restrain him, all while his colleagues watched in horror until one girl finally spoke up.

“But, but you’re just Bob from accounts, the sweet but not very exciting guy that’s alright at the job but doesn’t innovate.”

She worked in HR and at that moment could only remember the prevailing comment from his personnel file. She was nice for an HR rep and he smiled at her.

“I know, I know, it’s all very surprising, and Bob really is that sweet guy who’s kind… and boring and harmless. I’ll miss him too. But sadly, he didn’t survive this hostage situation, but it’s ok, life goes on.”

Once Alexander was fully secured Bob pulled his phone out again and tapped at it a few more times, then pulled a large knife from somewhere and smiled in a way that made him look younger and more confident that he’d ever looked to any of his colleagues before.

“Don’t worry, it really is going to be alright. I’m going to take care of everyone out there quickly then come back in to fetch my little package and you’ll never see me again, and tomorrow you’ll start to suspect I never actually existed. Which is probably for the best.”

He then took a deep breath tapped one last button on his phone and every security alarm speaker in the building started playing ‘They’re coming to take me away haha’ at full volume, and Bob strode out into the hallway, gun in one hand knife in the other. By the time the song finished Bob reappeared breathing a little heavily, still smiling and with a random splattering of blood across his clothes. He lifted Alexander with more ease than people would have given him credit for that morning and said to the room.

“I suggest you all say in here until the police come to get you, probably won’t be more than 10 minutes at most. You really don’t need to see what all has happened out there, and I promise you’ll live longer happier lives without knowing. But I can also tell you that you’re all safe and the crisis is over you’ll all be seeing your friends and family again. Anyway, good luck, have fun and Johnathan?”

He turned to look at his manager.

“You’re a dick and everyone hates you, we know you’re good at sales but you’re not good enough for the kind of ego you carry around. It would be better for everyone if you cut that shit out. Anyway, later gang!”

And with that, he turned with Alexander on his shoulders and left.

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