The Mighty Hunt For New Employment By D.I. Jolly

I’m not unemployed I’m a writer. It’s a wonderful thing to say, and although true, the two statements are not mutually exclusive. I am unemployed and I am also a writer.

Being unemployed also known as partaking in The Mighty Hunt For New Employment, or TMHFNE as no one calls it, really, is just horrible. And so here we are today with this happy little blog post talking about the pains of job hunting as we all know them.

Specifically 2 aspects of it:

1 – Rejection letters

2 – Getting your application ignored

For continuity, I’m going to start with section 2.

Getting Your Application Ignored

So, you go through the slog of looking through job listings, seeing which you think you can do, are qualified to do, want to do and reach the point where you decide to apply. So, you look at what they want to know from you. When can you start, how much do you want to get paid? Which I hate, you know the company that asks is looking for the most qualified person at the lowest price. Which sucks for everyone. Anyway, I digress. You open up your cover letter template and put in the company name, change somethings around and if it’s a job you really want you even write in specific intros and outros so that they know you really tried. You double check your CV to make sure it’s the most up to date version and you send it off, and … … … Nothing. You never hear from that company ever again. Maybe you get a token “This is to confirm that we received your application.” E-mail, and that’s it.

Nothing.

Like why bother.

And the worst part is that it happens so often that after awhile of job hunting you start to feel like every application is just a fart in the wind. Takes a bit of effort to get it out but you know it’s never going to be seen again and ultimately doesn’t matter. You like everyone else will either forget about it or never even notice it was there.

Rejection Letters

Now, this is a double-edged sword. Because on one hand, they’ve told you no, so you know where you start. They took the time to look at your application, make a choice and tell you about it. On the other hand, you didn’t get the job and that sucks.

My main gripe here though is the actual letter you get. I understand that the vast majority are standardised and that’s fine. Potentially thousands of people apply for a job, you’re taking the time to let them know it’s ok. That said, it’s what they actually say. The attempts at being nice sometimes go way too far.

Exaggerated example:

Dear Mr Jolly.

Your application was, in a word, inspirational. Lives changed in our office and it is with the greatest of sadness’s that we have to tell you that, and I’m crying as I write this, we can’t take your application further. Please understand it’s not you, it’s us, we’re not strong enough to handle just how amazing your application truly was. Good luck for the future.

Kind Regards.

HR automatic response robot.

Really? Come on guys! I know you don’t want to make job hunting worse but still, if you loved my application so much, imagine what it’s like having me around? I could change your lives every day.

Conclusion

But it’s all fluff. The letters we send the ones we get back. If job applications were realistic you could send a cover letter like this:

Dear employer.

I’ve read your job ad and I believe I can do that job. I’m smart, capable most days and although I might not know how to do the job specifically as you expect, I’m a quick learner so I’ll pick it up. So, I’ve never met you, and this is crazy, but here’s my CV so hire me maybe?

And then they can say no, and you move on, or maybe and you go for an interview.

It would be a better world. I’d at least interview the guy who sends that cover letter. Hell, maybe I’ll try it.

But then again, maybe it’s just me and my applications just suck. I’ve been wrong before.

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